Michigan Barber Defies Ultra Cunt, Says Only Jesus Christ Himself Can Tell Him to Stop Working

Governor Gretchen Whitmer, known to supporters as “The Ultra Cunt” is seen battling the Coronavirus after it invaded a miniature city in the UP of Michigan on Saturday (all cities in the UP are miniature).

Most shriek in terror from the Ultra Cunt Gretchen Whitmer, who has declared that all who stand against her brutal safety orders will “suffer the ultimate price” and “meet their magnificent doom at my hands.”

Asked if she was planning to kill those who defied her extreme orders to do nothing all day, forever, Whitmer stated: “they’re gonna wish a nibba would,” thereby implying that anyone who defies her will not be killed, but tortured.

One man is standing against this cruel and heroic safety leadership: that man is Karl Manke, a barber, who says he can’t afford to go along with Ultra Cunt’s bizarre nonsense.

Shockingly, he made the claim that as an adult, he is able to make his own decisions. He falsely claims that Governor Cunt is not his mother. This is false. She is the mother of everyone in Michigan, and she gets to decide what choices they can make.

He says he doesn’t need another mother to make his decisions for him. Except that obviously he does, because he is putting his life at risk from this deadly doom virus that is killing millions.

The police have now backed down and are turning over punishment of Manke to Gretchen herself, who is expected to soar in and defeat Manke.


Owosso police say they won’t issue any more tickets to barber Karl Manke, who remains open Thursday in violation of Michigan’s “Stay Home, Stay Safe” order.

Manke opened his barber shop in Owosso on Monday even though it has been designated a non-essential business under Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s order. The Owosso Police Department issued a warning and two tickets this week.

Supporters have offered to pay part of the fines for the tickets, which could cost up to $500 apiece, and Owosso Public Safety Director Kevin Lenkart said police will not issue more.

Police turned over the matter to the Shiawassee County Prosecutor’s Office. Prosecutor Scott Koerner has not returned messages seeking comment on the situation this week.

Manke is concerned about what legal steps may come next, but he’s undeterred and plans to stay open as long as he can.

“Whatever way it is, they’re going to have to drag me kicking and screaming out of this building,” he said.

A group of supporters gathered in front of Manke’s shop on Thursday while he continued cutting hair inside. Many of them were holding American flags and signs.

“I’m overwhelmed with all of this. And the support that’s coming, I’ve had other barbers from around the state calling me wondering what they should do,” Manke said.

Manke said he reopened after his unemployment benefits were denied three times and he has bills to pay. He’s been very busy this week, working well over 12 hours each day.

Is losing his home and not being able to buy food worse than getting a virus? No, of course not.

And anyway, it isn’t his choice to decide – it is the choice of his mommy, Governor Cunt.

Governor Cunt herself has commented on the case, saying that she is just being a good mommy and keeping her little boy Karl Manke (who she calls “Mr. Mankepants”) safe from his own choices.

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer said she understands the frustration and fear many small business owners like Manke are feeling around the state.

“I know this has been a hard time for people trying to make ends meet when everything is shut down,” she said.

However, Whitmer pointed out that her orders were imposed to protect everyone in Michigan from coronavirus, including Manke and his clients. She said being smart and following the data are important.

“We’ve done incredible work for eight weeks. It’s been hard, but we’ve got to see it through and not waste the sacrifice that we’ve paid,” Whitmer said.

Manke told a local radio show over the weekend that the only way he’d stop working is if the police came and tased him or if Jesus Christ walked through the door and told him to put his scissors down.

What he seems to not understand is that Governor Whitmer is the closest he will ever come to meeting Jesus Christ in the flesh. She is our true lord and savior, in that by taking away our ability to make adult decisions and forcing us to remain in our homes with threats of police violence, she is saving us from the coronavirus.