January 5, 2020
If there’s one thing we can do without, it’s more babies.
All dogs were designed (by… dog engineers… or whatever) in order to accomplish certain functions.
Golden Retrievers are designed to assist hunters by retrieving prey without biting on them.
German Shepherds were designed to herd and protect sheep.
Pit Bulls were designed to act gentle for a decade and then suddenly eat a few babies or rip off their master’s face.
That’s the order of nature. Or rather, the way that dog engineers have set things up.
The only problem is that while we have plenty of dog models, most of these models are now completely obsolete. After all, very few people hunt birds or herd sheep in the modern world. One of the very few models of dogs that is still relevant to our contemporary lifestyles is the Pit Bull. After all, most people have a few babies laying around waiting to be mauled, or have a face ready to be ripped off.
Yet in spite of the Pit Bull’s obvious utility, it’s still being adopted in few numbers, largely because of people’s prejudices against this model.
A prejudice that’s completely baffling and obviously irrational.
It’s really a good thing that the expert designers of the dog industry have come up with a way to increase the Pit Bull population covertly, and thus allow America to benefit from their great utility.
This decade is off to a paws-itive start, with the recognition of two new dog breeds by the American Kennel Club.
The AKC, the world’s largest purebred dog registry, announced Tuesday that the barbet and dogo Argentino are joining the list of its recognized breeds.
The barbet (pronounced “bar-BAY”) is a water dog from France and joins the “sporting” group, according to the AKC. It’s a smart and friendly dog with, most importantly, a soft, curly coat perfect for maximum petting and snuggling.
“The Barbet is loyal and loves to be near its owners,” wrote the AKC online.
So the 2020 dog models have come out.
The Barbet just seems like a recycling of old ideas, without any new features to speak of.
It’s kind of cute though.
The real surprise reveal is the Dogo Argentino.
The dogo Argentino is a slightly different vibe. A hunting dog developed in Argentina, hence its name, the dog was originally developed to hunt large animals such as boars and mountain lions, according to the AKC. It’s classified in the “working” group.
“Dogos are confident, courageous, loyal and affectionate with their family,” the AKC says of the breed.
But, the organization warns, they aren’t for the new dog owner because of their “strong guarding instincts” and territorial tendencies.
Described as “powerful and athletic,” the breed is perfect for the exercise-holics among us, as they require lots of daily exercise and interaction with people.
They also require a bit of maintenance — their short, white coat needs a weekly brushing, the AKC says.
For a breed to be recognized by the AKC, there must be a minimum of 300 to 400 dogs from the breed in at least 20 states, the group writes. There must also be an established breed club, consisting of owners and breeders, behind the dog.
The dog breed can then be eligible to compete in the Miscellaneous Class, where dogs typically spend upwards of three years. From there, the breed can get recognized officially, which means it’s eligible to participate in AKC events and affiliated clubs.
So… Hunting dogs who can kill boars and mountain lions, with “powerful and athletic” physiques. And they’re “not for new owners” because of their “territorial tendencies.”
And what does this new model look like?
Hmm… This looks somewhat familiar…
I’m getting a sense of déjà vu here.
Am I seeing double?
Wait, this might just be a coincidence. Let’s see what the inspiration of the original designer of this new breed was.
So the Dogo Argentino was initially engineered with the Cordoba as a base.
Ah, scratch that. It’s based on the Cordoba Fighting Dog, a Frankenstein-type combination of all the most fierce and aggressive dog breeds meant for tearing other dogs apart in illegal underground dog-fighting arenas. The breed went extinct because they all died in the dog-fighting pits.
Thank God the Kennel Club is coming out with this new dog model, which is exactly what America needed in this time of dangerously high baby population.
Not only is this new breed very similar visually to the Pit Bull, but it’s personality should be even more efficient at eating babies and mauling people randomly, considering its ancestry.
You could say that the Dogo is basically a Pit Bull 2.0.